What do you do if you receive an invitation to a gay wedding? If the invitation is from a relative or close friend, you’re likely to have conflicting emotions and thoughts. You’ll also hear different opinions from religious leaders and friends. In the years to come this is going to be a question that many of us will have to answer. So let’s talk about it some today.
Here are some reasons people say you should attend:
- Jesus associated with people whose lifestyles were not holy – tax collectors, prostitutes, etc. He ate in their homes and attended their parties and did not consider doing so as giving His approval to their lifestyles.
- How is your attending a gay wedding any different that you inviting an atheist friend to attend your baptism. They reject your beliefs, yet attend because they’re your friend.
- No matter how well you try to explain your reason for not attending, your decision will be viewed as a personal rejection and your relationship with that person or family may be severely damaged.
- We attend the weddings of believers who marry non-believers, which is contrary to the guidance we’re given in II Corinthians 6:14. Similarly we attend weddings of people who’ve gotten divorced for wrong reasons.
Here are some reasons people say you should not attend:
- Marriage is a God-given ordinance and Jesus used it as an analogy for His relationship with the church. It speaks to more than just the love between two people. Gay marriage is contrary to God’s design for human sexuality and is a rejection of God’s ordinance. How can you support it when it rejects God’s design?
- Your attendance would be endorsing and approving gay marriage since weddings are public events and the guests are “witnesses” who are participating by affirming the relationship and by “witnessing” the marriage. Wedding guests do more than spectate.
I could write several pages on this topic – and others have in fact written chapters in books about it. While a majority of Bible believing ministers, teachers, and Christians who have written on the subject ultimately conclude that it is not appropriate to attend a gay wedding, others disagree and argue that attendance can be justified in some circumstances. While I am still thinking deeply about this question, here are some conclusions I have come to:
- We should respect fellow believers who choose differently than us. While the Bible is clear on the issue of homosexual behavior, it does not speak directly to the issue of attending a gay wedding. We should not become like the Pharisees on this issue and judge other believers. Some room for freedom should be given, if decisions are made with good conscience after prayer and Bible study.
- We should renew our call to Biblical marriage among heterosexuals. The truth is that a marriage is not honoring God just because it is between a man and a woman. Some weddings we attend – and perhaps I officiate – should never have occurred in the first place. If we “witness” the marriage of two people who in their minds and hearts are not really entering the marriage as a covenant before God, are we endorsing a marriage outside God’s will? The more I reflect on this question, the more I wonder if it would not be more appropriate for some weddings to be civil affairs instead of church weddings. Should church weddings be reserved for those who take God’s role in their lives and marriage more seriously? The truth is at times it feels like the preacher and the church are more of a tradition and simple functionaries than part of a sacred event. I hope this paragraph doesn’t offend anyone, but it is an honest expression of an honest struggle.
- If you choose not attend the wedding of a gay relative or friend, what you have done or not done in the years before you receive the invitation will be a factor in how they respond to you. Have you been compassionate and kind and loving? Have you had honest and respectful conversations about your Biblical beliefs? Have you been there for them in others times of celebration or need? From their perspective, are you someone who really does love them? When you receive the invitation is not the best time for that kind of conversation. It is also too late to become involved in their lives and begin showing love.
- If you choose not to attend a gay wedding, you may want to consider attending the reception and bringing a gift. Some might choose to send a gift and not attend either the wedding or reception. It is not enough to simply say, “I’m sorry but I can’t attend.”
- It easier for people who don’t have gay relatives or friends to come down hard with a clear position on this question. Living out those convictions in the real world of relationships is more challenging and some grace should be given to those who struggle with how to answer this question.
I don’t expect these brief words will answer this question for anyone. My hope is that what I’ve written may help some of you on your journey to discovering how God wants you to respond when that invitation arrives in your mail box.
Pastor Steve Hogg
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