I once looked in a mirror and saw long, thick, brown hair. Today I look in a mirror and see shorter, thinning, not-as-brown hair. Turn my head to the side and I catch a glimpse of a growing bald spot on the back of my head. Getting older has changed my appearance. It happens to all of us.
I often tell engaged couples during premarital counseling that a good marriage is like looking in a mirror. Through the give and take of the relationship you learn things about yourself – things that are good and things that need to change. If you are committed to the marriage and genuinely love your spouse, you take to heart what you learn about yourself and you make changes – you grow. You become a better you – a better person and a better husband or wife.
If in the give and take of marriage you tend to focus on your spouse’s faults, you’re probably not going to grow very much and your marriage will suffer because you’re not becoming a better you / person / spouse.
If in the give and take of marriage you make excuses for yourself and refuse to see the “bad” that needs to improve, you are not going to grow and your marriage will suffer. You won’t become a better you / person / spouse.
BUT if in the give and take of marriage you own what you learn about yourself and grow, then your marriage will be blessed because you are becoming a better you / person / spouse. This is one of the secrets of a great marriage.
In a great marriage each person is on a journey to becoming a better person and spouse. Failure to change and grow is a journey toward divorce.
I believe one of the greatest enemies of a winning marriage is failing to really grow because you refuse to change. You refuse to acknowledge how your sinful nature shows up in your behavior, attitude, personality, character, disposition, thinking, decisions, demeanor, etc. You look at your spouse and his / her faults more than you look in the mirror at yourself.
I believe in a winning marriage couples rub off on each other. That is – the good qualities of one affects the other. In a sense they become more like each other.
In a struggling marriage couples also rub off on each other, but not in a good way. They simply rub each other, bringing out the worst in each other. Often that is because one or both are not willing to change. In those cases each spouse becomes defensive, which makes change and growth very difficult.
So my friends, when was the last time you looked in the marriage mirror and saw something about yourself that you could work on? Doing so will help you protect your marriage.
Pastor Steve Hogg
Leave a Reply