Recently I was discussing with a few friends the tendency of a certain individual whose attempts at humor are usually put downs of one form or another. This person does not intend to be hurtful…they’re just trying to be funny. The problem is that instead of being funny, more often than not this person either hurts people’s feelings or makes them mad. Repeated attempts at humor at the expense of other people causes those people to avoid the comedian.

That is why a recent article by Thom Rainer, President of LifeWay, caught my attention. In it he describes five types of critics in the church. In summary, they are:

1. The constructive critic. This person has no agenda and really wants what is best for the church and the individual.
2. The negligent critic. This person makes offhand comments without thinking. They are not trying to attack anyone, but their comments are still hurtful. The person I described above falls into this category.
3. The hurt critic. This person has been hurt, and in frustration or anger lashes out at whoever is visible and an easy target.
4. The sinful critic. This person is living in a state of rebellious and unrepentant sin. They deflect their own guilt by attacking others.
5. The self-serving critic. This person is not getting their way or doesn’t like something at the church, so they lash out. This critic may be the one that is most damaging to churches.

Whenever the person I mentioned above speaks to me and says something negative in an attempt to be funny, I try to remember that it’s not personal and they’re just trying to be funny and have a conversation. Sometimes the comment stings and occasionally I feel a small amount of anger or frustration.

Since we’ve all been on both the giving and receiving ends of criticism, perhaps we should make a greater effort at doing two things. One, be patient and try to understand where the other person is coming from. Two, be more positive and less critical in our own comments.

At church, at work and at home, we all want and need healthy relationships. Rarely does criticism produce those kinds of relationships.

Pastor Steve Hogg